Back out into the world...

As I write this, it's been exactly one year, one month, and nine days since I last posted here on my blog.

A lot's happened in that time. Some of it good, some of it bad, and some of it ugly (I've spent a lot of time over the past year watching TV and movies, especially old flicks, so pardon me if these phrases and names slip into my blogging). 

I'll run quickly through the latter two first -- the bad and the ugly -- so you can know where I've been, then talk about the good.

The bad

I had a little trouble with my writing and publishing, or more specifically someone decided my stories were suddenly offensive, so after letting me publish work for more than a year, allowing virtually everything I post to pass through their censor check, suddenly Amazon decided much of my work no longer conformed to their standards, so they banned most of it. No warning, no explanation, just banned most of it and warned me I could lost my account if I didn't shape up.

Some of you know I've struggled with clinical depression -- at times severe -- and that sent me into a tailspin. I unpublished all of my work, not only at Amazon, but everywhere. An overreaction, yes, but I tend to do that some times.

Then life grew worse -- someone I had thought of as a friend and mentor turned out not to be so much of either, taking advantage of my condition at the time, offering "help" then pulling it back, stringing me along...you know how life can be. So I had to cut ties, walk away, which is always painful.

That was followed by the loss of someone dear and close to me, a precious soul who had really become my mother in recent years -- she'd taken me in, offered me support, guidance, love, just like I was one of her kids. She was the most loving, strongest woman I've ever known, but after a long battle with pulmonary fibrosis, she passed away earlier this year.

And not too long after that I nearly lost one of the other closest people to me in the whole world. She's not out of the woods yet, after a hospital stay and some extended outpatient treatment, she seems to be doing a little better.

The ugly

That was me, throughout these past few months. I mean my life, the way I was living, letting things get to me in ways that were unhealthy. Bad things happen to us all, it's really how we respond, how we overcome and build our lives in spite of the bad, that ultimately defines us and our lives.

Right?

It was pretty ugly, and I went for a long period of time without writing, without doing anything other than crawling out of bed, going to work, then coming back home. I ate a lot. Gained a lot of weight.

Like I said, it was pretty ugly. But that's changing some, and that leads us to the...

 The GOOD

I've thought a lot about the one loss I mentioned earlier, my "mom." If any of you know me, or have been reading my posts off and on over the past few years, you know I had a rough start in life, eventually striking out on my own when I was just 16.

Well, my "mom" had a hard life, too. An incredibly poor childhood, some times going without the very basics of life, especially food. Yet she continued on, married, had her own kids, raised them, helped raise her grandkids, all through some trying and difficult times. Yet she never lost the basic joy in her life, never sat down and said "it's too much." She told me, more than once, that when things got really bad, she just put her head down and plowed through it.

"What else can you do?" she often asked.

Well, some of us quit, or take an extended break from life, it seems. At least that's what I've done a few times, which is odd since I was so determined, when I was younger, to never do that, to never be like the ones I grew up with, to never quit. I was determined to make something of my life.

I suppose I've done better than most that I grew up with, I certainly have done more than most would have thought possible if they saw me growing up, but still, when I sit and think and look back, I lost my way somewhere, started focusing on the problems, the bad and the ugly, rather than just working hard and moving forward.

A couple of months ago I decided this was crazy -- if I want some things in life, if I want to be different or better than I am now, just do it. Put my head down and plow forward.

And that's what I've been doing. I've tried, slowly, to get my life back together, to start writing again, and getting away from home for more than just working, to get out and live a little bit again.

So far, so good.

Which brings me to this blog, and my writing career. I've thought about restarting my blog for most of those two months, I've thought about writing and publishing more, maybe finding some homes for my old work and writing new pieces as well.

With the publication to this blog, I'm officially starting that, getting back into the game. In coming weeks and months I'll have news of my writing, where it's being published, how you can get it, and all of that info.

I'll also, from time to time, share a little with you what's going on in my life.

As always, feel free to comment, to share here from your own life, your own writing, most anything you wish.

For now, this kind of catches you up on my life. As always, thanks so much for stopping by.

An interview with little old me....

Hey folks, I'm featured today on Tricia Drammeh's Authors' To Watch. Nice, fun interview -- you can learn just a little about me and my writing there!

Slip on over there and check it out.

Question 3 -- who are your literary influences?

So much for twenty questions in twenty days, right?

As often happens in my life, I ended up sidetracked a bit by ... well, life. But I do want to make sure I reply to all who responded, so today I'm answering a couple of questions from Thomas Fortenberry.

"I want to know who/what your literary influences are? Do you have a fav character, world, or author you want to tip the hat at and honor?"

That's a tough one, because I don't have a single such influence I can point to and say "That's why I write" or "That's who I want to write like."

When I first became addicted to reading -- I mean really caught up in having to have another book, devouring it and then needing another -- I was reading R.L. Stine's Goosebumps series. I know, that's not exactly what you think of when asking about "literary" influences, but I was a kid, they were easy reading and truly entertaining.

I had already been writing some then, but more as a way to deal with things going on in my life, sort of a method of self-therapy (though I didn't understand it in those terms at the time). But I loved Goosebumps, and that made me want to try writing simply to entertain, to have fun with a story of my own creation.

Later I grew into the more literary works someone with a traditional education might recognize. I enjoyed Hemingway. Yes, I actually read The Old Man and the Sea because I wanted to. And one of my favorite novels is For Whom the Bell Tolls.

I've always felt that Hemingway could be entertaining in a way that keeps you interested in the work, while also exploring deeper truths or themes that set his work apart from simpler popular fiction.

I kind of enjoyed Dickens' work, although the long-winded, over-descriptive method of writing from that time period makes the reading feel like what a sprinter must feel running through waist-deep water. I've read a bit of Dickens because I like this stories, but the writing just kills me.

Poe I love. Absolutely adore.

And of more modern vintage, a couple of years ago I discovered Robert B. Parker. Now, that's a writer. And storyteller. If there is one writer I would most want to emulate, it may be Parker.

I am guessing, at this point, Thomas (and maybe the rest of you) are wondering how in the world someone who lists Hemingway, Poe, and Robert Parker among her literary influences can be writing erotica. It's probably a fair question.

My answer? It's simply what I enjoy. I work hard at making the writing sharp, the sense of story strong and engaging, without relying on the cheap thrills so many have come to associate with erotica. Don't get me wrong, I'm trying to include a high level of heat, with smooth, clear writing, but in the end, for me, it's story. It's the plot, the characters, the evolution of those characters as the plot, and subplots, unfold, that does it for me as a writer.

Will I spend my whole life writing erotica? Who knows? I enjoy it now, and while it's all that I've published it is far from all that I write, but I am proud of the erotica I have written, and I hope to make it fiction that readers will enjoy.

Thanks for the great question Thomas.

If any more of you have a question about me or my writing, please feel free to put it in the comments section or e-mail to me and I'll respond.

Thanks for stopping by

xoxo

Flashing through the night

Last week I spent about an hour outside late one cold night watching the Geminid meteor shower. It was a thrilling display -- astronomers predicted after midnight as many as 130 meteors might be seen each hour.

I don't know how many I saw, but it could have easily been a hundred or more. Most were little pinpricks of light, gone almost before my mind had registered seeing them. Some were brighter, arcing across large swaths of the sky, their tail giving off a bright glow. And a few were even larger -- one streaked through the darkness, broke in two, each piece then speeding onward. Even after the meteor had vaporized, two greenish-yellow tails remained visible for several seconds.

I couldn't help but be in awe. Depending upon their origin these meteors had been floating in space for thousands to millions of years, just chunks of metal and rock drifting for millions upon millions of miles. Then last week they collided with earth and gave off a brief but brilliant display.

I am a relatively young person, hopefully with most of my life ahead of me. I just started what I hope is a long and successful writing career. I most definitely don't want to flash quickly and then be gone like so many of those Geminids. However long this lasts -- both my life and my writing career -- I hope it leaves a brilliant, beautiful trail that others will enjoy for years to come.